A Bad Idea for a Fusion Restaurant

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, perhaps the road to an upset stomach is paved with good ingredients?

And so I bring you International Essen (food) Fest.  This idea, as mentioned last week, was hatched by one of the Americans, who wanted to share her love of burritos with everyone.  And so we gathered yesterday evening in the park behind out hotel for an international picnic.

Team USA: In defense of the Americans, we had already presented a `typical´American food experience at the fourth of July BBQ, so we free-styled a bit, so to speak, this time around.  We contributed Burritos and fixings, which we interpreted as American, firstly as an example of Tex Mex cuisine and secondly, because the Burrito industry is perhaps the newest incarnation of the American fast food industry.  As such it is our duty as Americans to familiarize our international friends with the American version of the burrito, which they can expect to welcome to their own cities any day now, thanks to the inevitability of the Chipotle brand international expansion/invasion, a la McD´s, Starbucks, Pizza Hut, etc.  (FYI as of May 10th, 2010, Chipotle has opened a restaurant (word used loosely) in London, and is planning on expanding to other European locations). 

We also contributed "berliners" aka doughnuts, some wine, and I made Charoset, a part of the Jewish Passover meal, made of apples, walnuts, cinnamon, wine and honey.

Team China: The Chinese Bukas, as it turns out, are really great cooks.  They made a meat and pepper stir fry, an egg and tomato dish that I definitely want to try to replicate, a very spicy cauliflower soup, and a peppery marinated fish.


Team Russia:  We were basically presented with a small Russian grocery store.  There were salty cucumbers (pickles), black bread, kasha (buckwheat), herring, Akroshka (previously mentioned interesting but very unusual tasting cold Russian summer soup combining vegetables, meat, root beer and sour cream), vodka, and last but certainly not least, birch tree juice.

Birch tree juice actually deserves its own blog post and maybe its own blog.  It is a clear liquid that looks just like water, and it is harvested from Birch trees in Russia and neighboring countries (ours was from Belarus) in the spring.  It is slightly sweet and tangy, and maybe the most refreshing thing I have ever tasted.

Because everything, even Birch tree juice, has its opposite, I should take this moment to mention that Malzbier, specifically Vita Malz, was also part of this smorgasbord.  Malzbier is a non alcoholic beer that is a very popular beverage in Germany.  Malzbiers do not qualify as beers according to German standards, and must therefore be advertised as Malz drinks.  This permits Vita Malz to advertise their drink as an appropriate, recommended beverage for children and pregnant women... It is marketed as an energy drink for brain, nerves and muscles.  I do not recommend drinking Vita Malz before attempting to do anything mental or physical.  It is essentially like drinking a liquidated loaf of black bread.  After drinking two good schlucks (swigs) I was unsure if I would ever be able to move again.

So, that was the menu.

 We ate, drank and celebrated until it thundered and poured.  Among other things, I learned the proper way to take a shot of vodka: take a deep breath, exhale, poor the vodka past your tongue, and then immediately bite into a pickle.  Many people who did not previously know how to fold a burrito have now been educated.  And, for perhaps the first time in history, charoset, the passover dish meant to symbolize the bricks and mortar used by the ancient Israelites during their slavery in Egypt, was eaten with chopsticks.  Success.

The only down side to our international feast was that none of these foods were ever meant to go together.  I am normally a big fan of ethnic food, fusion of various cuisines, and potlucks.  But I assure you that when someone suggests opening a restaurant that mixes stir fry with sour cream, or tops herring with taco seasoning, and then washes it all down with a Vita Malz, that restaurant will NOT last.  I know, because I have been there, and I have tasted it.